Dear Other Mother
One of the many roles I fill is the one of being a Mother. It is one of my most rewarding, and also one of the most exasperating roles that any individual can ever have. I am not only a mother, I am also a stepmom and sometimes being a stepmom is even harder than being a mom.
The amount of work and love that a stepmom is exactly the same as a mother, but society does not see it that way and your role is not as clearly defined as if you were the birth mom. The most confusing thing of being a stepmom is that the rules are not always the same. I am in the unique situation that I am a mom and a stepmom and I also send my kids my kids to go and visit their biological dad where there is another mom looking after them.
This gives me a unique perspective. I know what it is like to be a mother, to be an other mother and I know how difficult it is to let your kids go where someone else has to take over your role.
Here is the letter that I send to my kids ‘Other Mom’ and the one that I wish I would someday receive.
Dear Other Mother
I am calling you ‘the Other Mother’ as The Grimm brothers and Disney has ruined the word stepmom for all of us.
Do you know where the word ‘step’ comes from? I’ve always imagined it comes from stepping into someone else’s shoes. In the case of a mom someone else’s too tight, too high and sometimes really ugly shoes, but before this conversation start being about shoes instead of being about YOU, let me try again.
You and I know that the chance that we will ever be friends is a really slim one. Maybe we will never even get to the point where we have coffee and discuss the children (I hope not) but you never know. This is a letter to say thank you.
Thank you for looking after my children and making them your own. Thank you for every bum and nose you wiped. Thank you for every bedtime story and every song you sing. Thank you for juggling schedules and picking up kids and being the calm voice of reason when the relationships between the exes are getting out of hand. Thank you for understanding that the kids and their needs come first.
Thank you for every concert you had to suffer through and that you were there to help with the costumes and the make-up. Thank you for the discipline and every ‘Why’ question that you answer. I know it is sometimes difficult to explain that discipline in different houses is not the same, but thank you for trying anyway. Thank you for every meal you cooked and every complaint that you had to listen too, every time a little voice said, ‘my mom does it this way.’ Thank you for buying snacks that the kids love and birthday cakes.
Thank you for getting up at night and chasing the bad dreams away. Thank you for trying. Thank you for never giving up. Thank you for being the extra mom and not trying to replace me, even though sometimes I’m sure you wish you could. Thank you for the heartless, unappreciated, thankless job that you do by parenting children that are not from your body. Thank you for treating them as kids from your heart.
Every time I hear the kids say something nice about you I don’t wish that you were not part of their lives. I am thankful that you are. Thank you for being the OTHER MOTHER. Even though I may never acknowledge it I appreciate the role that you play in my son and daughters lives. Thank you for loving them anyway and treating them like your own. Thank you for making their second house not just a house but also a home.
From one ‘Other’ Mother to Another.
Thank you.
Linking to:
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Amazing and beautiful, such generous and heart felt words. #Twinklytuesday I tweeted you and popped you on Pinterest, great post
What a lovely post! Movies have totally blackened the term step-mom for sure but I think ‘other mom’ is much better. You sound like a great mom & other mom too xx
What a sweet sentiment. While the initial reception of the letter may not have been agreeable, once read, I’m sure their feelings toward you would change.
Thank you for tossing your hat into the ring at the Party Under The Big Top! We hope to see you again next week! #BigTopBlogParty
Very beautiful. I like how you highlighted the positives of what can be a very tricky relationship. And I’ve never stopped to wonder where the “step” in stepmom comes from before reading this.
This is such a lovely post. I have a step-dad and I think I probably gave him hell when I was young 🙁 It is a really tough role and anyone who becomes a step-parent is amazing xx #twinklytuesday
Thank you for stopping by, hosting @Twinklytuesday and for your kind words.
Thank you. Disney gave us a really bad name.
Thank you for stopping by and hosting #BigTopBlogParty.
The word actually comes from the 8th century word ‘steop-’, which means orphan, I found out after a bit of research. Thank you for stopping by and for your lovely comment.
Thank you for stopping by. I think it is only as an adult when you have a bit more perspective that you can appreciate all things people do because they love you.
This is such a gorgeous post and I’m sure the other mother would absolutely love to read this. It must be so hard to get through those initial stages to then acknowledging what a fab job they do and to know the children are loved in whichever house they are at. Thank you so much for linking up with #twinklytuesday 🙂
Thank you for stopping by. It took us a few years but I think everyone is now in a routine and every year it gets a bit easier.
#BigTopBlogParty. How lovely you are to write such nice words.
I love your letter! Being a mother has a lot of dimensions and faces and its nice to see some of it in here =) #sharewithme
What a lovely letter. Thank you for sharing that with us. I’m sure the “Other” mothers out there are very thankful to read a letter like this.
What a wonderful letter and such a well balanced approach. Your kids can only benefit from your ability to see beyond mummy and daddy’s differences, and put them first. I know a few people who could learn from this! #Sharewithme
What a sweet letter! Being a mom is complicated and adding step or other to it just makes it more complicated, I’m sure!
Great post. My dad’s stepmother raised him, his two brothers, and sister as her own since they were young children. It has always amazed me how she took the four of them in and have always treated them like her own. My husband’s stepfather did the same thing, playing the role of the other father since he was two, even after he divorced my husband’s mother. To be a stepparent has to be a hard position. I hope one day you get the thanks you deserve.
Angela @ Stepping into Motherhood
Thank you. I am a step mom myself. I feel like I’m constantly defending how much I DO love them. Don’t get me wrong I’m sure her position isn’t an easy one either but I just wish she would believe that I love him all the same.
Thank you.
Thank you. I think every mother just want to be appreciated. In whatever form you come in.
Thank you for your kinds words. We need to remember that every mother should be celebrated.
The biggest problem is that everyone has a say and that roles are not always clearly defined. Approaching things with a bit of kindness helps.
Thank you for your kind words.
Thank you Angela. It gets hard sometimes, but I’ve learned to shrug things off and deal with others. Thanks for stopping by.
It is a very hard thing to get use to. One of my monkeys asked me how do you love more than one child and I said that you grow a new heart for every one. If we can get to the point where we celebrate every person that love our children instead of seeing them as competition the world would be a better place indeed. We can always hope.
Such a beautiful post, step mums are often not recognised for all they do
and thank you so much for sharing on #wednesdayswisdom have a great weekend.
Lovely words, well said. There is nothing as precious as children and ensuring that they are loved and cared for properly. I wish all Mums and other mothers could repeat these sentiments.
This just blew me away. I love it. What an amazing letter to write to the other mother indeed. My mom is the other mother to five other children and raised them all like her own. I give her big props for that and this is a letter she should have received too. Beautiful. Thank you ever so much for linking up to Share With Me #sharewithme
What a lovely post, I am the ‘other mother’ to my husbands two boys from his first marriage and I am mummy to Boo, I find that each role has it’s own challenges.
I also had a mum and a step-mum growing up, luckily I got on well with my stepmum. I think you are right that word ‘step mum ‘ has been ruined and lets face it, it can be a tough ‘job’ to do.
What a great, positive post. It takes a special kind of someone to look past the negatives and really concentrate on the positives and say thank you x
This is a beautiful letter. I love the term “other mother”…so much better than “stepmother.” You have a such a great perspective! Thanks for linking up at the Manic Mondays blog hop!
Hi,
My husband left when our daughters were six and eight. They have a step mom who puts it on the Internet that they are her children, her babies. I am an involved parent. I am sensitive, and it hurts my feelings.
Thanks for explaining the flip side.
I’m Janice from the Inspire Me Monday Linky party. Thank you for joining us this week.
Thank you for your kind words.
Thank you for stopping by. I love the #sharewithme and will join in again. I think sometimes it is only as a adult looking back that you can appreciate how much your parents do for you.
Thanks for stopping by. I find that this is one thing almost no one is talking about and I hate the stigma that comes with the word stepmom. Mostly we are just ordinary woman trying to raise ALL of our kids with love.
Thank you for your kind words and for stopping by.
Thank you for #manicmondays and for stopping by. I feel the movies, especially Disney ruined the word stepmom.
Hallo Janice
I understand completely. Nature made us the way that we are always like lions protecting our cubs and it is difficult to step back and let someone take over. In the end you are and will always be their mom.
It takes a long, long time to find balance with the delicate relationships between mothers taking turns to raise kids.
I tried to think about it this way. Would you rather have someone that loves your kids or would you rather have a stepmom out of fairy tales that lock your children in a room and don’t feed them?
I take the other woman loving my kids every time even though I might never like her as a person.
Thanks for stopping by and for hosting #Inspire Me Monday, I love your link party. I always find interesting blog to read and I’ve made some new friends through your link party.
This! This is how I wish that any new partner of my ex would be. Like you. But I fear not. I once went to meet his first serious partner since I left and she was so rude to me. I have banned my daughter from being near her because of this and many other reasons. I hope one day that he does find one like you because I want my daughter to be happy when she goes there. This is perfect. Thank you for linking to #PoCoLo x
As a step mother, I can completely relate to this post. Thanks so much for sharing it at Mum-bo Monday, this has been selected by my co-host Jennifer as her pick of the party and it will be featured this week!
Hallo Kelly
I am so surprised and honoured. Thank you.
Thank you for stopping by Verily and for hosting. I love #PoCoLo. Wishing you and your daughter the very best.
Such beautiful heartfelt words. Must be so tough and feel really thankless at times, but it sounds like you’re doing a wonderful job #SWM