I know you usually take requests from children, but I have worked really hard this year and would really appreciate it if you could add me to the Christmas list. I know it is a lot to ask and I do not have high expectations, if all the gifts on the list could only last for one day, I would have the perfect 24 hours.
Please consider making Christmas a perfect holiday for this mom by bringing me the following gifts:
1) One day that DAD has to answer all the questions and handle all the complaints
All complaints and tattling is always directed at mom. If for one day everything could be directed at dad it would be the perfect Christmas present. If he could answer all the questions and listen to the inane complaints I could just make myself a cup of coffee and sit and enjoy the show. For obvious reasons this is my number one request this year.
2) One dinner where every kid eats everything without complaining
Having five kids means that I spend a lot of time cooking a lot of food. The problem is that not everyone likes the same things and everyone has one thing that they absolutely hate. We have a rule in our house that you have to taste. You do not have to eat everything that you do not like, but you have to taste. This means that we spend dinner waiting either for Cupcake to eat her broccoli or for Boo to eat her pumpkin or finding out where Bubbles hid her peas. With the amount of children we have I cannot cater for everyone’s taste or I would spend my whole life in the kitchen.
Getting everyone to the table at once is almost impossible. And when everyone is at the table there is always someone that needs something. After dishing up for 5 kids and making sure everyone is seated and ready means that by the time I get time to eat my food it is almost always cold.
A perfect Christmas present would not be someone that cooks for me, I’m just asking for one dinner where everyone eats everything I cook without a single complaint and I get to eat it while it’s still hot.
3) One perfect day where no one wakes me up while it is still dark outside.
Two of my daughters needs almost no sleep. This drives me insane and makes me tired. I have woken up so many times with a little face standing next to the bed staring at me whispering; ‘mom…mom….MOM’. For Christmas I would like one day where everyone just let me sleep till I wake up by myself.
4) Going to the Loo
I would love to spend some private time in the loo without a kid following me, opening the door, trying to push things under the door or shouting “Mom, are you done yet?” My oldest is 16 and the youngest is 6. This means that it has been 16 years since I could go to the loo in private. It would be a wonderful Christmas present if I could take care of my business without an audience.
5) No fighting
With seven different personalities there are always disagreements. My kids are always squabbling. The Little Mouse is not allowed to play with them, someone was in the teenager’s room while he was not at home. It is a never ending list of complaints and pettiness. Just one day when no one raises their voice or complains would be perfect.
ps. I would prefer if it is not on the day where dad has to listen to the complaints.
6) Watching my favourite show without interruptions
There is only one show on television that I watch religiously every week. The characters are witty, the writing is thoughtful and things happen at a fast pace. If you miss what one character is saying you loose the whole plot of the episode. Of course as soon as I sit down to watch my show one of the kids will have a personal crises ranging from the special stuffed animal that is missing or wanting a glass of water. I’m sure there is a special alarm that goes of as soon as mom wants to watch something.
I would please like to watch my show without any interruptions. If I can sneak in more than one episode I would be ecstatic.
7) Not sharing the good chocolates
I love chocolate and coffee, but every single time I make myself coffee, get some chocolate out of the secret hiding place and sit down, up pops a kid asking is he/she could have some. I would like to have my expensive chocolates without sharing them with anyone.
And if I could be really demanding and can ask for anything I would really like a wife for Christmas.