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Rules for Stepmoms (from a stepmom)

Have a thick skin.

Do everything with a sense of humour.

Forgive yourself if you fail.

Fake it till you make it.

Sometimes you just need to take a nap and get over it.

Keep your promises, especially the ones you make to your kids – it’s important.

How people treat other people is a direct reflection on how they feel about themselves, it is very rarely about you.

Always be honest, but still be kind.

A little girl seeks revenge, a real woman moves on while karma does her dirty work.

Do your best or don’t even try.

Where you’ve come from is less important than where you’re going.

Do the best you can until you know better.  Then when you know better, do better. – Maya Angelou

Be stubborn about your goals, be flexible about your methods.

Always be loyal;  to your husband, your kids and your family.

Do not ever criticise the other parent where the kids can hear you.

Focus on the things you can control and let the rest go.

When you are trusted with a secret – keep it.

When you marry someone, remember you marry their entire family.

Suck it up now and again – but not always.

Forgive yourself for mistakes, for you will make them.

Life is too short to waste it hating anyone.

Never base your life decisions on advice from people who don’t have to deal with the results.

Bad days does not last forever.

Everything will be ok in the end, if it’s not ok, it’s not the end.


Biology does not make you a good mother love does.

Biology does not make you a good mother, love does.



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31 replies
  1. Amanda
    Amanda says:

    Just one more rule I’d like to add from a child of a step mom, “Try your best not to introduce your step children as, “This is my STEP-daughter/son.” unless you absolutely have to in order clarify a relationship. When done consistently over time it makes the child feel even more like they are not really yours.

  2. Mariet
    Mariet says:

    Thank you. Being a Stepmom is hard, but it is also full of joy. It is good to hear from other people that deal with the same things that you do.

  3. ali
    ali says:

    This is brilliant, My favourite is the karma quote. Think I’ll make that my quote of the week. Thanks for sharing on #letkidsbekids

  4. Lisa (mummascribbles)
    Lisa (mummascribbles) says:

    Fab post, I’m not a step mum myself but so much of what you’ve written is so important and is great advice to anyone who may be new to the step-parent role. Thanks for linking up with #twinklytuesday xx

  5. Anna busby
    Anna busby says:

    great post! my step children are 13 and 15 yrs old love them to pieces ! but theres lots of work involved to be a good step mum! lots of this advice rings true! #mummymonday xx

  6. Louise
    Louise says:

    Great post and some good points to remember here – especially about how people treat other people being a reflection of how they feel rather than necessarily being about you – so very true.

  7. Emily
    Emily says:

    I love this. As a stepmom, life can be really frustrating and challenging, sometimes you feel like the “third wheel” when it comes to parenting decisions and sometimes you feel like you don’t have a say in certain matters. It’s definitely a job to be taken with a grain of salt. I love my stepkids very much and try to do everything I can to make them see that I am “mom” without taking the place of their real mom.

    Could I repost this on my blog, of course I would link back to you?

  8. Kim
    Kim says:

    I’m the lucky step-mom to one amazing young lady. Step-mothering has been the most difficult thing I’ve ever done, but just as rewarding. Through it, I’ve learned things about myself that I was surprised about.. both good and bad! I will be posting this on my refrigerator, as a reminder on the hard days.. and on the not so hard ones as well. Great list.. and great reminders. Thanks!

  9. Jenn
    Jenn says:

    Great post! Being a Stepmom has been the most difficult thing ever! I’ve been with my husband since my stepson was 3, ten year ago, and to this day he still hates me. The wart has not fallen off my nose. I have tried for years and years with no improvement, which makes me sad. He’s now a teen and is distancing himself even more, we’ve add 3 siblings for him and he doesn’t want anything to do with them. It’s hard to watch, especially since he’s accepting of his new stepdad and 1/2 sister. :(

    I won’t give up, but it’s definitely a tough role.

  10. sara
    sara says:

    I’m not a step mom but these are amazing “rules.” “Everything will be ok in the end. If it’s not ok then its not the end.” Love that.

  11. Jenny
    Jenny says:

    Ahh I love your writing from a step mom point of view and while I am not one my mother was to five children and so I can relate through her experience and I love this list. Brilliant. Thank you so much for linking up to Share With Me #sharewithme

  12. Brandyn
    Brandyn says:

    Great post. It sounds like you are a fantastic stepmother! I love that you stated not to criticize the other parent in front of the child. While I am not a step-mom, I had one who wasn’t always careful about what she said about my mother. It caused a lot of resentment on my end and also made me feel as though I was worthless as well.


  13. Creative Mama Renee
    Creative Mama Renee says:

    Great reminders for us to just step back and take a breath! It’s difficult when the kid’s excuses are “but Mom let’s me do it!” or “you’re not my Mom!”… Gotta keep a level head on that one!

  14. Corinne
    Corinne says:

    A lot of these rules are good for anyone, not just stepmoms. I have several friends who are stepmom and it is sometimes a really difficult situation to navigate. Thanks for sharing your insights and wisdom. So glad you linked up at the This Is How We Roll Thursday party.

  15. Alice Young
    Alice Young says:

    What a good list! And sure it’s relate able to lots of step mums out there! It must be a super tough job to be a stepmum! Thankyou so much for linking up and hope to see you again tomorrow! Sorry I’m late this week has been crazy. Thanks again! #MummyMonday xx

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  3. […] There was a great list of rules for stepmoms at Practicing normal. […]

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